beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah





Vrya's site kicks ass. And we're really bitter about it.



If there's one thing you've all come to count on here at boils and blinding torment, it's artistic talent. We create art that could easily grace the halls of the most discriminating museum. It's...




OK, what I meant to say is that the one thing you've all come to count on here is lack of artistic talent. Also lack of taste and reverence, and in some cases, content, but mostly lack of artistic talent. We would like to improve our skills, if only so that you don't have to squint at our brilliantly conceived wallpaper and/or icons and say, now what exactly is that again? We have looked into this skill-improving idea, and well, we found out that it involves work. Also patience. And being slackers, we're fairly unfamiliar with these concepts and aren't quite on board with them. So, hard as it has been for us to face, we figure we'll have to continue on with you all saying "huh"? at random intervals.


A short while ago (OK, actually a long while, but we once again slacked and didn't get this article up after a "short" time, so we're going to just pretend it's short and hope you don't notice otherwise), we issued a wallpaper challenge. Most of you were big wusses. We slave, we toil, spending upwards of 15 minutes on each artistic element we present here at the site, and in return, our challenges go unanswered.


But not completely. Amberlynne answered our challenge with a truly fantastic wallpaper and we rewarded her with her very own icon set. It was romantic. It was touching. It was Buffy and Angel's loving relationship portrayed through NSYNC's Up Against the Wall.


vrya also answered our challenge and brought tears to our eyes with her brilliant use of the "object" requirement that showed how Xander and the preying mantis teacher were torn apart, their love shattered by the cry of the bat. Also by her pincher hands and desire to bite his head off, but we digress. However, we could not reward her with an icon set. That would be like giving Picasso a crayon drawing from the refrigerator door of a very loving and extremely accepting mother. You know the mother I'm talking about. "Oh, Junior! That blue scribble and yellow scribble together are visionary! I'm going to call whatever school is like Julliard but for painters tomorrow and tell them about my genius son!" Right. That drawing.


Because see, we checked out vrya's site. And we're fairly bitter at her. Because her stuff is good. Damn good. We were up nights, dammit, trying to figure out how to best reward her since we were fairly certain crappy art wouldn't really do it.


And then we saw that she provides Photoshop tutorials at her site. And not just any 'ole tutorials either, but she records herself explaining and provides sample files so you can listen to her explanations as you work through the tutorials. So now we have even less of an excuse for our crappy artistic skills. And we're even more bitter because with such helpful guidance, our slackerness is that much more obvious. I mean, we can't even listen to a helpful clip and follow the instructions. How lazy can we get? (That question, obviously, is rhetorical, as I think we've answered it quite conclusively).


And her site doesn't have just static art. There is a whole audio section. With themes! She provides CD labels. CD labels for God's sake! She not only created a game, but she shows you how to make you own! The site kicks ass, seriously. We have no choice but to mock her.


Let's just take a look at everything Vrya's got going on, just so we can truly revel in the shame of our slackerness.




She not only provides the finished audio, but she breaks it down into movements, with explanations of where everything came from and how she did it. Take the Death is your gift project. The first movement is about the slayer being alone. It even includes a clip of Angel speaking. That's not just downloading some audio and throwing them together. That takes research, yo. Time. Patience. It's... well, the word we think we're looking for here is show-off-ish.


She's got categories of these. She explains how she came up with the idea for each one and even how she went about creating the art. And the art itself? Well, let's just say we might consider stealing some of it, only it would be extremely obvious that we didn't make it ourselves. Dammit. We would show more bitterness about this section, but we noticed that Just Willow includes Giles on a horse, and well, Giles! On a horse! It's lulled us into a brief blissful state. I'm sure the bitterness will come back soon. We're just going to look at Giles on a horse again.


And check out deathwish under Challenge Art. Talent. Dammit.


CD Labels

If you're like us, you might possibly download episodes from the Internet. Not that we do or anything, but we might. And if hypothetically, we did, those episodes might take up a lot of space on the computer, and we might need to burn them to CD so we could keep them and yet not run completely out of space and get mean error messages from that evil Windows entity that seems to live in the computer for the sole reason of haunting us and making our lives as difficult as possible. And being the slackers we are, we might hypothetically, keep those CDs organized using either the no-label-at-all-better-for-being-surprised-later method, or the sharpie-marker-that-is-hard-to-read-later-especially-when-it-rubs-off-and-results-in-the-same-later-surprise method.


With Vrya's site, we can look organized, artistic, and on top of things with almost no work of our own. We simply have to figure out how to get the label in the printer correctly and then choose Print. Also there's the attaching the label to the CD, but still. Not nearly as much work as making these fantastic labels like Vrya has. Actually, we could never make ones quite like she has, so why try really. May as well reap the benefits of someone else's work is our motto. Now, if only she would branch out into Alias labels, we could keep those hypothetical CDs organized as well. Sheesh, what a slacker that girl is.


[However, it appears as if vrya herself is a bit of a slacker. It seems we can only steal labels for season 5 and season 7 of Buffy, and if we were downloading Angel, which we most certainly are not because it sucks ass, we've only got labels for our non-existent 3rd and 4th season episodes. Looks like someone's not as motivated as we thought. Yep. Slacker. - ST] [Although truly, do we want to remember Buffy season six? And she does provide awesome Once More With Feeling CD art. -SP]


Game Board
Right. She made a Buffy-style clue game, and provides instructions on how you can make your very own. Now that's just showing off.


We would like to thank Vrya for finally giving us something to really mock. She provides instructions on how to make the clothes seen on Buffy. Now, this is dear to suck this's heart, as she has a special affinity with Cynthia Bergstrom and cried inconsolably when Cynthia left the show. We'll ignore our amazement and awe at the depth of work and ingenuity actually required here and skip past how this actually makes us want to try and it make our own, if only we had a sewing machine (well a sewing machine and a work ethic), and mock that Vrya is under the Buffy clothes thrall!


It's happened to us all at one time or another. We watch Buffy so much that we start to actually believe that the clothes are cute. It's like when those low-riding pants came back in style, and we were like, hell no, we're never wearing those things that make our hips look even wider! And then everyone wore them and we started to believe that wide was how hips should be (liberating, actually) and now the lower the better! We can't even wear our non-low pants any more. We find them freakish!


But back to mocking Vrya. Which we think we need to kick up a notch since she apparently overheard us typing and notice she has mentioned in her instructions that you don't even need a sewing machine to make these things and thus we are outed as being even bigger slackers than before. She even has the audacity to be around the same height and width as Searing Pain (suck this has few too many er "gifts" to be wearing little tank tops like this, if you get my drift), so we wouldn't even have to adjust the pattern. And yet still, too much work. We should mention that she shows her final product, and she can apparently actually sew as well as create art as her tank top is very cute. Also, she is very cute. Is there anything this girl can't do? Maybe someone who went to high school with her or something could drop us a line on some of her deep dark secrets. Help us out a little here.


By the way, her assertion that "just fyi, I hate marking, measuring, etc. I'm lazy enough to just guess and then shrug and go on with my life if I guess wrong"? Total BS. Or, if true, then we're even more bitter because if she is able to make things look this good freehand... well, not to alarm you or anything, but possibly she could take over the world.


Now she's just taunting us. [But it's Gir! GIR! She totally gains back all the points she lost for not recreating the Roadkill Elmo top from season six.]


Photoshop tutorials
We think she made these just for us. For which we thank her. And also curse her name. Because now we have no excuse. Truly. None.


She also has this whole other site, the Buffy Dialogue Database. And there's just so much there. You really just have to go see it. I mean, it has everything. Everything. It makes us tired just to look at it.


So as you can see, our crayon art was sadly, not going to do for Vrya. So, we decided to reward her by mocking her site. Because mocking? Well, that's what we do best. And we wanted to give her only our very best.


She's never going to answer another one of our challenges again, is she?




Know any of Vrya's deep dark secrets that will make us feel better about not having her work ethic or talent? Let us know in the forums.