beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah
season one > teacher's pet
Oh, Teacher’s Pet…how doth we love you? You bring us such wonderful life lessons as “don’t always believe those skeezy teachers are hitting on your underage ass because it’s tasty. They may want to eat you…in an entirely unpleasant fashion.”
And you reaffirm the glory of male slutiness (not being a virgin could save your life!). You bring us a Xander-centric episode, in all its dorky glory! You bring us big hair, bad clothes, ass kicking Buffy and a truly lame secondary bad-guy—the vampire with the claw hand! Plot? Was there a plot?
Why yes! Mrs. French, it seems, is actually a giant preying mantis in the form of a young substitute Biology teacher. She’s laid some eggs, see, and needs some men to give her some lovin’. Or to give her eggs some lovin’…I’m really not sure how that works. For some unexplained reason, the men needed are teenage virgins. I guess they give the best lovin’. The downside to this, sadly for the teenage boys, is that being a preying mantis and all, she bites the heads off of her lovers when she’s done. This, of course, will not do. So it’s Buffy, in a hideous pair of lemon yellow plaid pants armed with a tape of bats and a machete to the rescue!
Poor, poor Xander. Not only has he lost his skateboard and his sense of fashion, now he loses his dignity too. Exposed for being the virgin he is. Was. Whatever. He ain’t no more, hoo boy!
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