beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah

They should film this and play it every Christmas.



You sir, are no Doyle.

By the power of Grayskull...


Angel 5.10: Soul Purpose


To quote jthomas666 on the boards: Well. That sucked.


To elaborate: Well. That sucked. A lot.


ME somehow managed to create a complete waste of an episode out of dream sequences, Lindsey and a whimsically placed bear. How can you go wrong with a whimsically placed bear? It just shouldn’t be possible! But apparently it is. Which is a damn shame. It’s also a damn shame that they felt they had to make an entire episode about Angel’s Spike-induced soul neuroses. Because, see, we get it. We get that Angel is unsettled and unsure—is the prophecy talking about him or about Spike or gosh, maybe even Harmony, since she’s trying really, really hard and all? What if, and this is the part that really keeps him up at night (isn’t that just ironic? A vampire who is kept up at night due to worrying? Rather than, say, his vampireness?), what if he’s not SPECIAL? What if he’s not a CHAMPION? Will he have to have all those business cards reprinted? And worse, what if he’ll never be a real boy? What is it all about, if it's not all about him?


All things we got four or five episodes ago, thanks, sans the acid trip and without having Spike spell it out for us. We've been through Angel's long, dark teatime of the soul before--same trip, different office, better wardrobe. Except this time instead of allowing people to be slaughtered and setting Drusilla and Darla on fire he's struggling over working for an evil shades of grey law firm and doing things because they're right and not just cost effective. The thing is, Angel, and excuse the language, shit or get off the pot because there's a line for the bathroom and it's about to get violent. If you're uncomfortable, leave. If you don't like the ambiguity of Spike being around and what it may or may not mean for you, stake him. If you're tired of your employees constantly saying things like "it's a gray area" or "do we do that?", fire them. It's that simple, Angel. Really. Honestly, when did vampires stop being hedonistic demons and become whipped little sleep-deprived poodles?



Still can't accept it? It's pathetic, really. All your life's been a lie. Everything you've done—the lives you've saved, dreams of redemption—all that pain... all of it for nothing. 'Cause this...was never about you.



Yes, I'm talking to Angel. I'm so annoyed I'm speaking directly to an imaginary whipped vampire. Leave me alone.


As you may or may not have been able to derive from the above, Angel's feeling pretty confused and unloved and really unsure whether everyone still thinks he's cool and fantastic and the bee's knees because no one tells him anymore and really, is it too much to expect your friends to tell you once in awhile how good and righteous and champion-like you are? So Angel frets and has nightmares induced by some hallucinigenic creature unleashed on him by Eve and Lindsey. It's all part of a very convoluted and murky plan involving drugging Angel and screwing with Spike and somehow it all ends up fixing the prophecy. I have no idea. I have no idea why Lindsey introduces himself to Spike as Doyle and pretends to have visions, sending Spike to save people Lindsey's set up to die. I don't really know how giving Spike his own crappy little apartment with a Korean grocery store on the corner that's open all hours helps swing the tide towards Spike, but I have a feeling the Korean grocery store must be really important because it's mentioned twice. Maybe it's an evil Korean grocery? An ambiguously evil Korean grocery? Maybe Spike's supposed to change the Korean grocery from the inside?


As mentioned, Lindsey is running around pretending to be Doyle. Sacrilegious if you ask me, but people rarely do. The tattoos we got a glimpse of in an earlier sucktastic episode are not, as it turns out, because chicks dig them but rather to keep him off of W&H's senior partners' radar. Because they'd get really, really annoyed if they knew he was talking to Spike and making him run around like a nit, re-enacting Angel's glory days as a trench-coated Dark Avenger. A role, it may be noted, that Spike enjoys. He's such the attention whore, no? But then, who on this show isn't?


I mean, honestly, what kind of retard wears heels like that in a dark alley?


So Spike trots around saving people while Angel takes a very long nap in his apartment. (a very brief run down of Angel's dreams, or at least the parts I remember: a) Fred cuts him open to check out his equipment. She pulls out a dead goldfish in a bowl (his soul), a string of pearls, his walnut of a heart, and a liver. She then proclaims she can find nothing wrong with him and that he's just empty. She also handed off the dead goldfish to the aforementioned whimsically placed bear. I can only assume the cheese guy was busy. b) Angel wakes up in bed to see Spike screwing a blond right next to him in bed. Old Buffy dialogue plays about her killing her goldfish and the prom. Angel asks if Spike's taking Buffy to the prom. Spike requests that Angel be quiet because it's hard to be a marathon man with him blathering on. c) Angel goes back down to the work floor barefoot. Fred meets him and tells him to hurry, then runs off with Gunn to get some popcorn. Angel follows and everyone's watching the Apocolypse like it's a movie. They tell him not to worry, that Spike'll take care of it. d) Spike does indeed take care of it, and everyone is singing he's a jolly good fellow or something and giving him a cake and he gives this cheesy speech and then everyone says he should get his reward and then the blue fairy floats on in and makes Spike a real boy. Depressed and ignored Angel sadly turns away and pushes the mailcart towards nowhere. e) Lorne is a honky tonk piano player in Angel's room. Angel's in bed with a spotlight on and Lorne asks him to sing. He can't though, and the rest of the Fang Gang mock him, saying things like bitch better sing cuz I done paid good money for this and I told you he was empty. Gunn makes with the crazy cat eyes and, well...maybe Angel wakes up? Maybe. f)Oh, this was actually the first one, but hell if I'm relettering these. Angel's back at the end of the fight for the stupid non-holy grail cup and Spike gives him shit about it not ever being about Angel. Spike drinks from the cup and Angel burns into ashes. woo!) The rest of the gang hangs out, wonder how Angel's nap is going and try to figure out the meaning of some runes for Eve. Because they are stupid, and believe everything Eve says, even when it involves the senior partners needing runes translated right away. They're the senior partners, shouldn't they be able to do this shit themselves if they're so damn powerful? If i were them, I would seriously be doubting the senior partners' power right about now. In fact, I don't even think they exist, and I'm going to laugh my ass off when the gang finds that out. The senior partners are like the bogeyman or Santa Claus, just some twisted fantasy the last CEO at W&H made up to keep the underlings in line. Either that, or they're a bunch of 12 year olds who send really, really threatening emails, and since no one's ever seen them, they are assumed to be big and scary and have horns or something. Because these senior partners? Got jack.


Gunn and the gang find out via police reports that their blondie bear is still in town and is doing good, or at least his version of "good", without them. This offends them, for some unknown reason, and Gunn and Wesley don their Sunday best and go on over to his little apartment by the ambiguously maybe evil Korean market and try to strong arm him into returning to W&H. Why? Because they miss him? Does this make sense to anyone? Is there any reason a freelancer can't go out there and do a good deed once in awhile? Is W&H Starbucks, and Spike the standalone mom and pop espresso stand that needs to be assimilated or destroyed?


No offense, Mr. Vader, but I've got no itch to join the evil empire.


Lindsey eventually turns Spike on to Angel's little dilemma and Spike shows up to save the day. Angel stops dreaming about dead fish in bowls, bears and Lorne playing honky tonk piano long enough to accuse Eve of giving him bad dreams. Oh, and of giving him life sucking parasites. Just like cooties, only harder to get rid of. His flimsy evidence is based on the fact that she was in his room and put a second one on him after Angel squashed the first one (okay, I'll admit that one is a bit of a smoking gun, but she did tell him she was just a part of his dream. and she wouldn't lie, right? besides, Angel blithely believes everyone else around him, why not Eve too?) and that he knows she wasn't part of the dream because she may have changed her clothes, but she sure as hell didn't change her earrings. And Fred, not wanting to seem unobservant or stupid, agrees. Her earrings? Not her guilty look or her bland evilness, but her earrings? Like Angel notices earrings. Shut up Angel. Shut up Fred.


So things aren't going your way, and you're looking for someone outside your little circle to blame. Here's a thought. Maybe you should try looking inward. Unless you don't like what you see.



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