beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah
What a surprise we must be
Our site is pretty brand spankin' new, so we only recently became listed on google and the various search engines. But now that we are, we've found that people have done some interesting searches to end up here. I feel bad for some of these people, really. They're looking the vast land we call the Internet for a tidbit of information, and instead, they end up here. That's what they get, really, for clicking a link with a domain name like ours.
So, in the spirit of the love and togetherness the Internet brings, we bring you our newest feature: search string mocking! Each week, we'll list the searches that are particularly mock-worthy. Now, I've done some fairly odd searches myself. Who hasn't? I'm sure you all have too. So, who knows, we may end up mocking your searches on this page too.
October 12, 2002 to October 18, 2002
Cynthia Bergstrom evil Willow
I assume that this was actually a search for "Cynthia Bergstrom evil + Willow". Because who's more evil? Especially looking at the big picture. That's what I thought.
I'm not sure whether this search goes with the bad clothing searches or the searches that are all about sex. Possibly it's both. You know, most of our hits seem to be from bad clothing + sex searches. It makes my heart proud that google is classifying our site accurately. Other bad clothing and sex searches have included, "underage ass" (and for any FBI agents who currently have our site under surveillance, we enjoy porn as much as the next girl, but you'll find nothing illegal here, at least nothing illegal about asses), "bad sexy dad" (I so do not want to know), "sexyangeldrawings", "buffy having sex naked" (as opposed to fully clothed, which I imagine is what one would call "safe sex"), "I like to have you watch me have sex" (and to this person I would say, investigate a career in porn! They even pay you!), "sex with invisible person" and the companion search "invisible sex" (and while neither of these searches include the word "buffy" anywhere in the search strings, I really hope that Gone was what they were looking for, and not some other invisible sex), "wild crazy sex" (where?!), "sex against a wall", "boysnakedonbuffy" (which I first misread as "boy snake on buffy", and wondered if we ever were told if all those snakes were boys or girls), and "awfulsexgirl" (is that a girl superhero or something?). We also had "evil girl in boots", the ever popular "slutwear", and the peculiar "Inca hats".
fuck you e-cards
Fortunately, we filled this need last week, so I'm glad those searchers came back. I imagine we also satisfied the searchers for "meanecards". Although again, we didn't please everyone, at least presumably not the innocent searcher of "take care e-cards" or "love care cards from world". I don't think anyway. We still need to fill that need for "I want to fuck you e-card". Soon, people! Soon!
Ever since we've been listed on the search engines, we've been getting weird hits from choloroform searches. I have a simple request. Any of you out there doing these searches for "chloroform girl" and "chloroform superhero", and "Giles chloroform", could you drop me a line, give me a clue as what it is you're looking for? Thanks.
likes slapping him
I really have no idea.
From the beginning to October 11, 2002
buffy and angle
There have been several searches for Buffy and her geometric friend. I would mock this search, but really, I think it speaks for itself. My only concern is that google brought up this site in response... The only thing scarier is the number of hits a search of "buffy and angle" brings up. On further investigation, it seems this site is a hit for that search because of That's Gotta hurt, where we talk about the angle of penetration. Yep, I think whoever did that search was really surprised after that page loaded.
There have been many variations of this search, including my favorite, "bufy naked" (and the related "bufy sex"). Even better, our site comes up as the very first hit, due to an unfortunate typo in our recap of Invisible Girl. If nothing else, we can use our referrer log as a spell checker. I supppose everyone who's hit our site from this very popular search as been disappointed.
Again, variations of this search have been very popular. They have included: "buffy and spike having sex", "buffy and angel have sex", "riley and buffy making love", and the oh-so-romantic "spike and buffy having sex behind a tree". At least the searches have been fair and balanced: equal opportunity sex partners for Buffy!
fuck you e-cards
Not one, not two, but three separate times someone has done this search and ended up at our site. Well, we're not ones to disappoint, so we promptly added some appropriate cards. We care enough to ensure you send the very best. Hey, you ask, we deliver. Don't worry, those of you who found our site searching for "I want to fuck e-cards". Your cards will be available soon!
This was just one of many odd clothing searches. Actually, not odd at all when you consider the clothing the characters wear on this show. And seeing these searches makes me realizes I did the right thing when I decided we should include as many pictures of the horrid clothes as possible. Apparently people are looking for them! In the bad clothes category, we also have had people looking for "micro mini skirts", "stretchy tattoo shirt", "slutwear", and "girl not wearing clothes but has them painted on". I do hope they found what they were looking for.
dawn spike sex
Just oh so wrong. Although, when you think about it, perhaps more age-appropriate than Buffy and Angel. After all, Dawn was a glowing ball of green energy for hundreds of years, so she's closer in age to Spike. Older really.
But there were many more interesting sex hits. In fact, overall, we had more hits for sex-related searches than anything else. Guess we'd better do some more sex articles. That won't be a problem, I don't think. Anyway, searches have included "confused fuck", "sexy dance", "downside to being a virgin", "crackhouse sex crack", "mummy fetish", and "bend over sex. I see we have a lot of work to do if we want to satisfy (no pun intended) all these searchers.
diagnosis murder slash
I almost feel bad enough for whoever was searching for this to write a fic and post it for them. Almost feel bad enough.
cards to let friends know you care
I do feel bad for whoever found our site from this search. Really bad. But whoever searched for "evil e-cards" made out OK, I bet.
Check back for all new searches to mock!