beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah
















Angel 5.18: Origin


 

In theory, I should have been shaking my fist at the sky while screaming obscenities for a good hour when this episode aired. I mean, I was subjected to the bane of the Angelverse, Connor (in spectacularly bad hair, might I add), a reference to a necro-tempered suit (not even funny in jest, you spawn of evil), an utterly inane excuse to bring back the boring and massively stupid Sahjahn (a demon canít do his own dirty work anymore? What is this universe coming to?), and the return of extreme!tool!Wesley (not that he ever really went away). But I kind of liked it. Which worries me. But, you know. Whatever.

 

 

Okay, so some demon whose name I care nothing about but who I shall call Nancy Boy because he canít take care of his own damn issues, has some age-old beef with Sahjahn and wants him dead, not just living in his liquor cabinet in a crappy urn for all eternity (notice my restraint in not going off on how Angel might have kept a better eye on that ole urn, considering it contained the mortal enemy of his precious, psychotic son). Unfortunately, a prophecy told Nancy Boy that he couldnít kill Sahjahn because that is, for no reason whatsoever, Connorís job. Being a forward thinking kind of dude, he decides to seek out the mind-altered Connor and make his life hell until Angel makes him fight Sahjahn. Also, conveniently, this helpless twit of a Nancy Boy demon was contracted by W&H to build Connorís new memories. Remember that, itíll be important to extreme!toolbox!Wesleyís glorious return to the fold. Yeah. We missed tortured, slightly crazy extreme!toolbox!Wesley. For that whole five minutes he was gone.

 

 

But to step back and take a second, I just want to go into a slight, oh so slight, rant here on prophecies and how fucking stupid they are and how the excessive use of them on this show makes the stupid dues ex machine snow in Amends look positively brilliant. For one, they just highlight how stupid characters on this show are Ė why arenít the evil people and various other intended victims of the tricksy things called prophecies beating everyone to the punch and just writing the damn things themselves? Just imagine! Then all their enemies would be, like, ďman, I hate that Sahjahn, but fuck if Iím not the unholy spawn of two vampires. Okay, I mean, I am, but damned if my dad didnít have a fucking soul. Shit, guess I just have to let him live.Ē If I was a demon who pissed off a lot of people, or planned to in the near future, Iíd sure as hell be looking into that, considering how blindly people accept them. Come on, they buy anything! Angel believes that if he helps stop the Apocalypse, heíll become a real boy! Wesley believed a talking burger! For all we know, he accidentally dosed up on some acid Cordy left laying around the hotel or something! I mean, why the hell is Connor the only thing ever that can kill Sahjan? Sure didnít look like he did anything Angel or anything else with super duper strength couldnít do, he just slammed him around a bit and chopped off his head. I could have done that. Pfft.

 

 

So what Iím saying is: prophecies, as a storytelling device, suck ass.

 

 

These prophecies are turning out to be pretty overrated. I gotta tell you, kid, you're making a good case for the whole concept of free will.

 

 

 

Connor returns in this very special reunion episode because he was run over in a very violent fashion by a big ass van and walked away without a scratch. This, for some reason, alarmed his fake parents. A cop on the case conveniently told them to go to W&H, since they deal with all sorts of wacky ass shit. So they show up at W&H and Wesleyís all ďweíll helpĒ (this probably, on a normal day, would have been Gunn, because Wesley would have been too busy drinking and/or brooding to fraternize with the customers, but seeing as how Gunnís being held in a hell dimension and having his heart ripped out on a daily basis, each day in a new and exciting way, as some form of fucked up atonement, he was unavailable. Jackass.) and then Angel shows up and gets all twitchy when he sees Connor in the foyer and is all ďwe will notĒ. Iíd just like to say that Angel is as good at hiding a secret as Sydney Bristow is at compartmentalizing. And that, my friends, is no compliment.

 

 

Shockingly, Angelís vehemence and twitchiness and just general asshole-iness prompt Wesley to look into connections between the demon violently running Connor over and, well, anything. His search takes him and Illyria, since they are attached at the hip or something, to the files where Wesley eventually discovers a contract that shows the Nancy Boy was paid a lot of money to cast a mind-altering spell the day they took over W&H and that Angel signed it. This could lead one to wonder why, if heís as powerful as all that, he canít cast a damn spell to make the PTB, or whoever it is that controls prophecies coming true, that heís Connor, thereby allowing him to kill Sahjahn, if one was so inclined. Wesley, it turns out, is not so inclined. And because this and everything else is all about Wesley, he immediately jumps to the conclusion that Angel sold Fredís soul for something. Illyria takes a moment to make Wesley doubt everything, like he needs help in that arena, and questions him on why he follows Angel and whether or not it matters if memories were altered, because Fredís were altered and she was a different person after it happened. Wes says no because his memories too were altered, when really he should have said no because she was the same damn person.

 

 

Turns out Angel denied help to Connorís family because he wanted Connor as far away from W&H as possible, not because he was still mad about that whole Connor inseminating Cordy with the spawn of evil thing. He gets all pissy at his new liaison Hamilton, only to be smacked down when Hamilton reminds him that he is not some little tart Angelís going to bed, but rather a manly man who doesnít hold truck with fornicating on a vampireís couch, or behind it for that matter, no matter how plush. And then he tells Angel that itís not his fault and itís not the Senior Partnerís doing, but that it is damn mysterious that someoneís trying to mess with lilí Connor, and that maybe he should figure out why. Angel rushes after Connor, apparently on foot, so weíre back to vampires being superfast and able to run wicked long distances without breathing like an 80 year old smoker. Excellent.

 

 

He catches up to the Cleavers as they pull into some cheap hotel and are promptly attacked by a bunch of demons. Connor sort of fights like a sissy for a short bit, and then Angel leaps over some shit and comes to his rescue. Connor thinks all of this is tres bad-ass.

 

 

She's either... counting oxygen molecules or analyzing the petri dish she just put into her mouth. Or sleeping. I can never quite tell.

 

 

 

Angel leads him around W&H, after admitting his father into W&Hís convenient general hospital. As they pass the training room Connor is commenting on how cool everything isóAngelís a vampire, and thatís cool. W&H has demons and paralegals on its payroll, and thatís cool. Heís kind of a superhero, thatís cool. Doctors with claws are also cool. Spike chooses to interrupt this moment by flying through the double doors and slamming into a wall. This, too, is cool. Being the trooper that he is, Spike hops back up while yelling about his clipboard or someone being a harlot or something like that while running back into the room. See, at the beginning of the ep, Wesley was sort of just watching Illyria put petrie dishes in her mouth, and Angel decided Wesley needed more rest and less alcohol, so to babysit test Illyriaís powers they gave Spike a clipboard and put him in a training room to fight her, which naturally meant that Spike got the crap beat out of him. Bloody brilliant, if you ask me.

 

 

So Spike is testing her powers. And, as Angel and Connor enter to say ďhiĒ, always a smart thing to do when your co-worker has just come flying ass first through a door, he explains that she can bend time at will, has super duper strength and can possibly talk to plants. Illyria, for her part, has decided that Spike makes a good dolly and asks Angel if she can keep him as a pet, bless her. Connor continues to think this is all very cool. Lorne enters for his one scene and announces that theyíve found the stupid Nancy Boy demon via the dudes that attacked at the motel and, I think, is slightly thrilled that Connor now thinks his horns are cool. Not that he remembers Connor thinking he was very much not of the cool, but deep, deep down? It still stings.

 

 

Right. We need to set some ground rules. First offóno more punching me in the face. Secondly, when I punch you in the face, you tell me how you feel so I can write that down on my clipboard. Thirdóno touching my clipboard.

 

 

 

Angel visits the Nancy Boy of a demon, who threatens to break what looks like a fancy night-light and restore the memories of Connor to anyone close enough. So, like, who? Anyone within slapping distance? Everyone in the building? On the block? in LA? Angel, not getting that the threat is seriously too vague to be a bother, is determined to keep Connor in the dark and tells Connor that they donít have a choice, he has to fight and kill Sahjan but not because it was his preordained duty, being the son of two vampires, but because if he doesnít his family will never be left alone. Wesley, privy to this conversation, thinks itís stupid and goes to the files to snoop. But I already told you what happened there, and it wasnít really terribly thrilling, even though Iím sure it was meant to conjure up all sorts of exciting debate on what makes a person and what is real and does it really matter as long as you think itís real, but it really didnít.

 

 

Angel gives Connor the five minute course on combat fighting and takes him to the Nancy Boyís house. The Nancy Boy locks Connor and Sahjanís urn in a room and Connor stupidly lets him out and asks about his welfare and lets him pick a weapon. Because this Connor totally believes in fighting fair. Which is admirable. Even if he does need a haircut. Angel, peeved that the sissy demon locked Connor in a room with Sahjan, gets all threateny until Illyria and Wes show up and Illyria bends time just enough to freeze the sissy and Wes holds up the night light. He accuses Angel of trading Fredís life for whatever it was Angel got from W&H, which was probably in the contract if Wes had taken the time to read it, and rather than listen to Angelís feeble pleas, breaks the night light. Immediately he feels like a gigantic jackass. Suddenly remembering that you conversed with a talking burger will do that to one, for fuckís sake.

 

 

Angel, not really concerned about Wesleyís inner turmoil because he brought it all on himself, looks to Connor. Thanks to the breaking of the night-light, Connor remembers how to fight, which is good because he was totally losing before. He beheads Sahjan. He pretends not to remember his past, though, and asks to get back to his other life because this violence thing just isnít his cup of tea. BecauseÖwell, I donít really have a reason, other than itís just one more thing to torture Angel for eternity and that? Is all right by me.

 

 

Connor goes back to his family, but not before coming back to say adieu to Angel one more time by giving a speech about protecting his family (who were apparently far enough away to not have their memories reinstated, which would bring to question people like Lorne and Gunn and everyone else, but whatever.) and he canít stay because they arenít comfortable in Angelís world, and no matter how cool Lorneís horns are, he has to go with them because thatís something he learned from his father. Meaning Angel. Aw. I almost want the little dumbass to come back. No. Not really.

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