beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah

 

 

 

 

 

Who are these people?

 

Came in late to the show? Not sure who all these people are? Well, probably this page won't do you much good, but you can try reading it anyway. You can also take a look at our FAQ for the uninitiated and wholly confused, if you think that might help. Although it's doubtful.

 

Here, in no particular order, are the characters we remembered to include. I'm sure we'll be adding more if we ever stop being so lazy.

 

 


 

Buffy Summers, aka The Slayer

She slices, she dices, she flambés evil.  She also sleeps with dead people, which is not at all like seeing dead people. It's much more disturbing.

 

Duties as The Slayer included:  Fighting evil. Making with the wit in tight situations.  Traversing graveyards in fashion atrocities too blatant to describe. Judging others. Dealing with the fact that one week she can kick a vampire 50 feet, and the next she can't even open up the bloody peanut butter jar. Oh, wait, that's our duty. Sorry.

 

Duties currently include:  Shagging vampires.  Neglecting her sister and friends.  Moping about being pulled out of heaven.

 

 

 

Willow Rosenberg, aka the Jewish-Gay now Best Friend

Hobbies include math (season one), computers (seasons one through three), being filled with black naughty evil (seasons three through six), heterosexual sex (end of season three through middle of season four), and gay sex (seasons four through six).

 

Duties included:  Hacking into various government systems to find whatever information the Scooby Gang needed to catch the baddie of the week.  Wearing brightly clashing clothes to distract the enemy. Pining after the Xandman. Sleeping with Oz.

 

Duties currently include:  Twisting the world to her liking via majik.  Sleeping with Tara.  Proclaiming every five minutes that she is gay.  And a breast woman.  But we already knew that.

 

 

 

AleXander LaVelle Harris, aka Mr. Goombah, aka Joss in high school

A total gomer, from now until the end of time.  He used to be a slightly endearing gomer.  And then it just got sad.

 

Duties included:  Being the supportive best guy friend who secretly pines after his Slayer friend.  Making poor choices in the Love department (ie Preying Mantis Woman, Ampata, Buffy, Faith, Cordelia, Anya…)

 

Duties currently include:  Making poor choices in the love department (leaving Anya at the altar), being all foreman-y.  

 

 

 

Cordelia Chase, aka the rich bitch

Master of all things snarky.  Moved to LA after her father was incarcerated.  She now hangs out with that sissy-boy Angel and is nothing like she used to be.  She's nice.  And blonde.  It's wrong.  Sometimes, we miss her.

 

Duties included:  Kissing Xander Harris.  Being a bitch. That was pretty much it.

 

Duties currently include: Being missed by Buffy watchers everywhere as a floaty, glowy part demon in a higher plane of being. Don't ask.

 

 

 

Rupert "Ripper" Giles, aka Mr. Stuffypants

Father figure and Watcher of the Slayer.

 

Duties included:  Giving stern looks.  Delivering ridiculous speeches, somehow made more tolerable by his accent.  Playing with his glasses.  Looking frustrated.  Leaving when we need him most.

 

Duties currently include: Coming back when we needed him most. Kicking Willow's crack whore ass.

 

 

 

Joyce Summers, aka Mommy Dearest

Oh Joyce, we hardly knew ye.  Buffy Summers' clueless mother who died by non-demon means in Season Five.

 

Duties included:  Acting stupid.  Looking for little marshmallows for Spike.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Angel, aka Angelus, aka Liam

He mopes, he moans, he turns evil when faced with commitment.  He left us, sadly still undead, after season three.  He's in LA with Cordy.  Making googly eyes at his baby.  Oh yeah, that was a good move.

 

Duties included:  We thought we covered this.  Moping.  Moaning.  Skulking about.  Being afraid.  Loving the Slayer. Delivering painful lines not saved by his accent.

 

Duties currently include: Not being missed by Buffy fans everywhere, except for those hopeless B/A shippers who have I Will Remember You on repeat.

 

 

 

Daniel Oz Osbourne

Oh, Oz.  Master of cool.  Player of three chords.  Laconic to the point of being catatonic.  *sigh*  Come back.  We didn't care about the whole lame werewolf thing.  Honest.

 

Duties included:  Being silently stoic.  Being the sweetest boy on TV ever.  

 

Duties currently include: Being missed by Buffy watchers everywhere as he deals with being rejected by Willow for Tara.

 

 

 

Jenny Calender, aka Janna Kalendash

Sunnydale High's computer teacher who turned out to belong to a cyber coven who turned out to be part of the gypsy clan that cursed Angelus.  Rather obvious, don't you think.  I mean, look at all those earth tones she was wearing. Clearly an evil gypsy.  Yep.

 

Duties included:  Spying.  Though we never saw any evidence of this.  Hitting on Rupie.  Teasing poor, poor "never gonna get any" Rupie.  Dying at hands of recently-evil Angel for dramatic purposes.  They couldn't kill Oz. They just couldn't.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Principal Flutie, aka Dead Flutie

Flutie, the first principal we met at Sunnydale, was sadly eaten by wild students possessed with the spirits of hyenas.  It was sad, really.  And disturbing.  And left us with one of the greatest questions the Buffyverse has ever produced:  Why did he have a picture of himself in a frame on his desk?  Oddness.

 

Duties included: Dressing up a pig to look like a razorback, taping together Buffy's permanent record

 

Current duties include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Principal Snyder, aka Sassy Snyder

Champion of the school talent show and strict disciplinarian.  He didn't tolerate that Principal eating crap.  No sir.  Not him. It's too bad the Mayor turned into a snake and ate him.  Too bad indeed.

 

Previous duties included: Being slimy. Conspiring with the mayor against Buffy. Being eaten by the mayor turned gigantic snake.

 

Current duties include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Kendra, aka the Buffy that could have been

Kendra who never talked to a boy before. Kendra who had only one shirt. Kendra who named her lucky stake Mr. Pointy and unfortunately gave it to Buffy and got herself dead. Somehow her tribe identified her as a potential slayer as a baby, so she had a lot of years to study the slayer handbook before Buffy's dip in the master's pool called her. Too bad it didn't help her stay alive longer.

 

Duties included: Using a funny accent, showing up at random times with cryptic messages to take over when Angel was slacking off.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Faith, aka Dark Buffy

Oh Faith how we miss you.

 

Duties included: Wrestling crocodiles naked. Kicking vampire ass. Finding the dark side and helping the mayor become a gigantic snake. Taking over Buffy's body. Tempting Angel with her naughty evil. Relieving Xander of that pesky virginity.

 

Duties currently include: Sitting in prison as penance for past sins.

 

 

 

Anya, aka Anyanka

Evil vengeance demon turned human turned good vengeance demon. She came to smite down Xander for being a big 'ole jerk to Cordelia, but ended up deciding she wanted to sleep with him. And marry him. Then he was a big ole jerk to her too and left her at the alter, and she went back into the demon business. Only she seems to have kept the heart she gained a human. Hopefully she left her stilted speech and perplexity at the humanity with which she'd been living for 1200 years behind.

 

Duties included: Turning her boyfriend into a troll. Using the power of the wish to turn guys into frogs and things. Knowing how to drive a car and then inexplicably forgetting how for comic hilarity. Having sex. A lot. Being stood up at alter just after learning what it means to truly love.

 

Duties currently include: Teleporting around town. Rambling about her own problems so long that the poor spurned girls don't have a chance to wish terrible fates on their boyfriends. Missing Xander.

 

 

 

Ethan Crane

An old "friend" of Giles. Often plays pesky tricks on the scoobies to get Giles to notice him.

 

Duties included: Having orgies with Giles. Worshipping Chaos. Being a pain in Buffy's butt. Making Giles nostalgic for the "good 'ole days".

 

Duties currently include: Being abandoned in military prison since the Initiative disbanded. Pining away for Giles.

 

 

 

Riley Finn

Buffy's attempt at having a "normal" boyfriend. Only he turned out to be part of this big military demon-hunting operation. And he had a chip in his heart that made him take commands from a demon made of parts. That he was able to pry out himself. Without passing out or dying.

 

Duties included: Sleeping with Buffy. A lot. Saying "over" and "copy that soldier" and "denied". A lot.

 

Duties currently include: Flying off in helicopters. Being married to someone who likes to say "over" back. A lot. Hunting demons in parts unknown. Fortunately.

 

 

Maggie Walsh

Mean Psychology professor. Mean military leader. Psycho who liked demon parts.

 

Duties included: Being bitchy. Trying to kill Buffy. Being all mommy dearest to Riley and Adam, he of the demon parts. Walking around as a zombie with rotting flesh.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Tara McClay

She helped Willow get over Oz. She won our hearts. She was the good witch and people kept fucking with her mind, dammit. We'll miss her.

 

Duties included: Being all lovey-dovey with Willow, warning against magik abuse, being the only mother-figure to Dawn.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Warren

He was that harmless guy who made a robot girlfriend. And tried to start an evil gang to take over the world and kill Buffy. And kept coming up with schemes to make girls powerless so he could try and rape them. And killed his ex-girlfriend. And before you knew it, he became all evil and killed Tara.

 

Duties included: Making sexbots, leading Andrew on, pissing off a powerful evil witch.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Jonathan

He was there from the very first episode. Cute, sweet, harmless. Except for the whole deal when he plunged the world into an alternate reality where he starred in The Matrix and invented oxygen. And that time when he joined up with Warren, who was hell-bent on destroying Buffy. But that other time, he gave Buffy an umbrella, so it all events out.

 

Duties included: Getting bullied by the swim team. And Willow. Fetching cappuccino for Cordelia. Peeing in the school’s pool. Learning Summerian and using the forces of evil to his advantage.

 

Duties currently include: Hiding out in Mexico in case Willow's still all evil and after him.

 

 

 

Andrew

His brother trained those ugly hell-hounds to attack the prom. He apparently tried to do the same with monkeys, but no one noticed.

 

Duties included: Summoning demons for fun and profit! Looking for hidden communication devices implanted on his body.

 

Duties currently include: Living on the run, pining for Warren, who's dead.

 

 

 

Darla

She had her eye on Angel and was the kind of girl who went after what she liked. So she made him into the undead so he could go suck people's blood with her. Then she made the mistake of giving him the wrong present, namely a girl from a gypsy family who was good with the curses. They restored Angel's soul and Darla, apparently not able to love in good times and bad, kicked him to the curb. Eventually he got her back though by killing her. Such a love story. She came back of course (they always come back), and couldn't decide if she wanted to be good or evil. Instead she became pregnant with Angel's baby and staked herself this time.

 

Duties included: Hanging out with the master. Picking up guys with the Catholic school girl act. Also with kimonos. Bearing the freakish, impossible not-love child of a vampire who can't have children. Putting all of us out of our misery by driving a stake through her heart.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead. Again.

 

 

 

Drusilla

Crazy. Evil. Angel has a soft spot for her. So, he killed her family, drove her mad, and made her a vampire. He's so sweet.

 

Duties included: Siring Spike. Being crazy. Naming all the stars. Cheating on Spike with a Chaos demon. Siring Darla, her sire's sire.

 

Duties currently include: Being off in places unknown after being burned up by Angel, her first undead love, and nearly staked by Spike, her second undead love, who was showing his love for the slayer.

 

 

 

Spike, aka William the Bloody

Great villain. Evil vampire. Then the damned Initiative put that chip in his head and who knows what happened to him. He killed two slayers and lately he's been sleeping with one.

 

Duties included: Writing awful poetry. Killing slayers. Being all lovey-dovey with Dru. Being all lovey-dovey, if you don't love me I'll kill you with Buffy.

 

Duties currently include: Trying to figure out how the hell he ended up with a soul.

 

 

 

The Master

Really old, icky vampire. Stuck in an underground church. Not pretty.

 

Duties included: Trying to rise all the time. Dreaming of a human slurpie machine. Killing Buffy.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

The Anointed One, aka annoying one

I'm not sure if he was supposed to be scary or what. But mostly he was just this annoying little kid who sat around starting at things.

 

Duties included: Asking stupid questions.  Leading Buffy to her first death.  Being fried by Spike.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Parker

Slimy college guy who talked Buffy into sleeping with him. I guess she didn't learn from the last slimy guy.

 

Duties included: Being hit by Buffy. Being hit by Riley.

 

Duties currently include: Who cares.

 

 

 

Owen

Owen. Mmmmm...

 

Duties included: Teaching Buffy how to tell time.

 

Duties currently include: No one knows.

 

 

 

Graham

The Oz of the Initiative, though much less endearing.  Friend of Riley's.  Convinced Riley to leave with him and join the demon hunting forces again by mocking him for being the Slayer's bitch.

 

Duties included: Pretending to be a college student.  Being all Initiative-y.  Taking over as Riley's friend when Forrest when all zombie on our asses.

 

Duties currently include: One would assume skulking around the South American jungle in search of things slimy and undead, but one can't be sure.  Oh, and wearing kicky berets.

 

 

 

Forrest

An Initiative bud of Riley's who accused Buffy of breaking apart his peverse military family with her feminine wiles.  Token black man of the WB.  Oh, come on.  You had to know he was doomed, right?

 

Duties included: Deigning whether or not college chicks were "mattressable."  Being a fake college student.  Fulfilled minority quotient in the Initiative.  Being jealous of Buffy.  Being a really lame zombie.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Harmony

Ex-follower of Cordelia. Died in the battle against the mayor. Though why a vamp took a moment out of the heat of battle to convert Harmony, we’ll never know.  Perhaps he liked her tight little package.  

 

Duties included:  Being Spike’s interim sex toy.  Just until he could bag Buffy, you understand.  Masterminding a misguided attempt to become a super villain.  Bitch slapping Xander’s sissy-ass.

 

Duties currently include:  Hiding from Cordelia, who she tried to sacrifice to a vampire cult.  Someone should really tell her it’s okay to come out and play now, Cordy’s real busy being all floaty and stuff.

 

 

 

Dingoes ate my baby

Band of Oz.  Seemed to only play the Bronze. And apparently at an Initiative frat party one year.

 

Duties included: Allowing Willow to fulfill her lifelong dream of being a groupie. Giving Oz something to do.

 

Duties currently include: We have no idea.  It has no groupie, it has no werewolf playing e flat to diminished 9th…what's left for it?  

 

 

Glory

A seriously stupid villain, Glory was banished into the body of a mortal when she got too big for her fiery hell-dimension britches.  Although most backstory would insinuate that Glory had been banished to this prison eons ago, it was decided in the last few episodes that she had only been trapped for 25 years or so. Whatever.

 

Duties included: Being a bitch.  Dressing sassy.  Conjuring up really stupid looking snake-type things.  Persecuting monks.  Beating up Buffy.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Ben

Glory's other, mortal half.  Someone on the staff, recalling their love for "All of me", decided that Ben would be the prison Glory was trapped in.  Brilliant.  A rock would've done just fine, thanks.  His history is confusing, at best.  In a "deft" bit of misdirection, we were led to believe that Ben had called the Queller demon hundreds of years ago, only to find out that that isn't really possible, because he was only created 25 years or so ago to house Glory.

Them hell gods need to get their shit together.

 

Duties included: Being an intern.  Comforting Buffy in her times of need.  Being nice to Dawn.  Changing into Glory at inconvenient times.  

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Dawn

A glowing ball of energy that looks suspiciously like a teen.  Once a fancy key to Glory's dimension, she is now window-dressing.  Whiny window dressing.

 

Duties included: Whining.  Shoplifting.  Being neglected by all but Tara.  Questioning her existence and life, for all of five minutes in that one episode.  Having a crush on Spike.

 

Duties currently include: Being dea---oops, sorry.  Whining.  Lecturing Spike.  Getting in trouble on Tuesdays.  Bothering people and demons in general.

 

 

Wesley

Called in to replace Giles as Watcher, Wesley the ponce soon wowed nobody with his non-presence and combed-over hair.  He moved on to LA after being fired by the Watcher's Council and actually got some a few times.

 

Duties included:  Failing as Faith's watcher.  Macking on Cordelia.  Being a scaredy-cat.  Ratting out Giles and Buffy.

 

Duties currently include:  Hangin' in LA.  Shagging evil lawyers. Brooding.

 

 

 

 

Hank

The lowliest of low fathers, Hank hasn't really been in existence since Season Two.  And then, only briefly.  Once thrilled to take Buffy shoe shopping, he is now reduced to a mid-life crisis in Spain.  A mid-life crisis so potent, it seems, that he feels his daughters don't need him when their mother dies.  Yep.  That's some good parenting there.

 

Duties included: Being a supportive absentee father (Season One through first ep of Season Two).  Cancelling dates with Buffy (Season three and up).  Ignoring the fact that his ex-wife died.

 

Duties currently include: Probably shagging his secretary in Spain.  Calling Dawn every once in awhile.

 

 

Adam

A truly, spectacular, horrible take on the Frankenstein villain.  A composite of some unlucky man who doesn’t remember his name and demon parts.  Also, there appears to be a harddrive in there somewhere.  Truly.  Horrible.

 

Duties included: Annoying me.  Being the Tony Robbins of the demon world.  Wasting space.

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

Olaf, the troll "god"

Once upon a time, he was Anyanka's fiancée.  And then things went poorly. Don't they always?

 

Duties included:  Being a troll. Being bitter about being a troll. Being a god. Or possibly carrying around the hammer of one. Trying to eat babies.  Beating up the Xandman.  Threatening to kill Anya.

 

Duties currently include:  Probably pretty much the same, although he's now doing the same in an alternate dimension.  Possibly filled only with trolls.  Or shrimp.

 

Amy

Once a sweet, shy young lady whose mother switched bodies with her in an attempt to become a cheerleader, dabbled in the dark arts for kicks, then changed herself into a rat and was inexplicably left that way for a few years, and is now giving Willow a run for her money in the Crack-whore of the year pageant.

 

Duties included:  Being normal.  Tricking teachers into thinking she'd done the homework.  Casting love spells that went awry.  Eating cheese. Running on a wheel.

 

Duties currently include:  Avoiding cheese.  Being deluded into thinking she's Samantha from Bewitched.  Introducing Willow to the "dark side".  Not that we know how she found it, being a rat and all.  What?  Continuity, you say? Pshaw.

 

Rack

A dealer of magic, in its most "addictive" form.  A little bit spooky, a little bit rock 'n roll, he liked to call the girls "strawberry" and float them from the ceiling.

 

Duties included:  Getting Willow hooked on the junk. Reminding Buffy of that vampire she was locked in the house with when she was all weak and stuff.

 

Duties currently include:  Being dead.

 

Larry

The token big gay jock, he was steered away from his path of hetero-evilness by the caring of one Xander Harris.  Insert your own "misunderstanding involving homosexuality" joke here.

 

Duties included: Acting like a tough, hetero jock (early season two).  Acting like a sensitive, gay jock (mid-season two thru season three).

 

Duties currently include: Being dead.

 

 

 

 

Miss anything important about your favorite character? Disagree with our characterizations? Let us know in the forums.

 

09.13.02