beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 










Oops.

 


 



 


Wesley v1.0














 

 

season three   >  Bad Girls

 

Per my promise to eva destruction on the boards, tonight this recap shall be written under the watchful eye of a semi-mind altering substance. So let’s all say hello to our co-pilot, Nyquil. Hi Nyquil!

Yeah, I’ve got a fucking cold. A week after I ditch bronchitis. Let’s hear it the assholes who come to work sick and pass their colds around the office because they don't want to give up a vacation day!Fuckheads.

Anyway, I think I’m recapping Bad Girls, though at the moment I’m not entirely sure. Let’s just assume I am, okay?

 

Hey, this isn't a Tupperware party, it's a little harder to plan.

 

The bad girls of the title are not Willow and a girlfriend of the moment, as someone coming into Buffy late might suspect (the title of that episode would be Naughty Wiccans who are Breast Women, and as far as we know, that doesn’t exist), but rather Buffy and Faith. Buffy and Faith go out on patrol and Buffy wants to kill the red shirt demon in the teaser with a 1-2-3 plan and Faith, unable to count to 3, just jumps on in, prompting a fun lecture from the Buff. Get used to these, by the way, because from here on out, it’s pretty much all Buffy does. In fact, most of the rest of the series can be summed up as lecture, lecture, lecture, fight, lecture, angst, lecture, angry arms, tears, lecture, sex with dead guy, lecture, lecture, lecture. Just to sort of prepare you there.

Faith basically tells her to loosen up and feel the fun. Because slaying? Fun. A rush. Wicked cool.

And Buffy’s all hey, I’ve been moping for two and a half seasons. Isn’t that more Angel’s job? Maybe I should find the fun. She resists of course, momentarily, and then along comes the prissy, non-tweed clad Wesley. Not the psycho stalker Wesley of Season Five Angel, nor the confused, leather clad Wesley who showed up in the middle of Season One Angel, but the prissy, nancy girl Wesley that showed up to replace the fired Giles. A completely different Wesley, as are all Wesleys. Buffy battles this inconvenience with barbed comments and disinterest. Faith walks in, gives the Wester a once over, proclaims“screw this” and walks out. Buffy is jealous of Faith’s carefree joie de vivre and begins to wonder if the Faith way is the superior way.

 

Giles always says please when he sends me on a mission. And afterwards, he gives me a cookie.

 

Buffy goes on some mission or other to get a pendant or something before this week’s red shirted big bad finds it. His name is Balthazar, and he is a big, huge, humongous blob in a bathtub. Basically, he’s threatening because he flails his arms about in an erratic manner. It’s frightening. Anyway, this pendant is in—say it with me, a tomb in Sunnydale. Buffy shows up alone to get it because Faith blew off the homework (she feels since they’re the Chosen Two everyone else can suck her left nut and she’s not taking orders from anyone in the nancy tribe) and has to hop into a handy coffin to prevent from being killed by a couple dead guys in uniforms with swords. These dead guys being in a cult like thing for dead, evil guys. Sort of like the hare krishnas, with cooler uniforms and big swords instead of flowing robes and tambourines. Also, they worship a big flailing evil thing in a tub, versus an all loving being or whatever it is Krishnas adore. Faith somehow walks right past the cult as they waltz out with the pendant Buffy was too slow to grab. Faith mocks Buffy for hiding and jumps down blindly into the sewers after the mofos. Buffy, shocked and appalled at this rash behavior, jumps down after her so she won’t feel all guilty over Faith’s impending death. There is a fight. Blows are exchanged. Buffy is almost drowned and comes out of the battle seeing the fun.

Also, they get the pendant. The pendant they don’t want Balthazar to get because it will presumably give him the power to get his ass out of the tub.

So they bond. Slayer-like. Buffy ditches a test, much to Willow’s horror, to clean out a nest of vampires (something, some might say, her slayer ass should have been doing rather than taking a bio test anyway.). They go dancing, all bruised and cut up and sexy at the Bronze with many loose men. Angel shows up and is uncomfortable around the new, almost sexually liberated and not frigid Buffy. Wesley shows up for no real reason, and Buffy takes the pendant from the babbler and gives it to Angel. I think. I’m doing this by memory and the Nyquil is not being as friendly as I thought it would be.

 

 

Buffy and Faith go off after Balthazar after being told where he is, but true to form, go weaponless. Faith, not to be deterred from dishing out her badass justice, insists they break into a sporting goods store and stock up. They do. Buffy learns the joy in breaking glass and taking big scary knives without paying. The police show up, because our dear stealthy slayers busted through a window without caring about the alarm and then proceeded to pull off the slowest heist in history. Most criminals would be judgmental and say they were setting themselves up for failure. Me? I’m not so judgmental. I just think they’re stupid.

 

Why do they always got to be sword fighting? It's called an uzi, ya chump. Woulda saved your ass right about now.

 

The girls are frisked, much to Faith’s delight, and arrested. On their way to juvie Faith decides they are busting out so they kick in the divider between the front and the back of the car and knock out the cops. Buffy feels all bad the next morning. Faith not so much. The next night they go back for Balthazar and unfortunately are surprised by Alan Finch, the Mayor’s right hand man. I say unfortunately because he gets staked by Faith. Never sneak up on a Slayer. It’s just bad business sense. Alan should have known that, working for an evil Mayor. But, he didn’t. So he gets staked. And the girls split up in a panic. Buffy runs into Angel, who sees the blood and is suspicious of Buffy being all cagey. But they have bigger fish to fry, because the cult kidnapped Wesley and Giles. Angel and Buffy go kick some ass, Giles helps and Wesley sort of stands there and squeals. Buffy electrocutes Balthazar because he messes up Angel’s hair and Balthazar pays Buffy back by cryptically telling her that the big Bad is really, really big and she’s gonna wish she just let Balthazar win, because this bad is really, really bad.

Faith, meanwhile, doubled back and looked kind of sad at Finch.

The Mayor, meanwhile, hung out with Trick and became unhurtable. Immortal. Impenatrable. Whatever.

Buffy goes to Faith’s the next day and tries to stage a one-woman intervention. She wants Faith to talk about it. Faith doesn’t want to talk about it. She weighed down the body and is now doing her laundry. Folks, she’s washing blood out of a wife beater. She’s scrubbing blood out of a $2.00 shirt, trying to salvage it. If that isn’t a cry for help and a paying job, Buffy likes a pulse.

And we all know that ain’t true.

 


No. You don't get it. I. Don't. Care.

 

 

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