beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah






Top ten reasons we should stop watching Angel



It used to have promise. It used to be filmed in a compelling manner. It used to have characters on there that stood for something, even if it was just a firm belief in what type of hair product should be employed. And then, it all went to hell. We should stop watching it, but we keep going back for the pain. And now, in our first top ten list that actually lists exactly ten things, we bring you, Top ten reasons why Angel the series sucks ass:



10.  Cordelia Chase

A once loved character, she has been reduced to a simpering, blond, badly dressed version of Mother Theresa Moving from Buffy to Angel we could handle. Giving her the visions after killing off Doyle we could handle, once we dealt with the bitterness. Turning her into a half demon we didn’t handle very well, but can you blame us? We thought it was just one more insipid step towards Angel and Cordelia sleeping together without anything happening to either one. And that’s not something anybody needs to see. But we coped. And prayed they weren’t going where we feared. Of course, where they went was much, much worse.


9. Fred

I used to like Fred. Thought she was an interesting little twist of psychotic Texarkana. And then she became a genius at everything. She knows the Internet forwards and backwards. Because that was so popular when she disappeared. She rambles. “cutely.” All the fucking time. She fights. She weighs ten pounds, but she can kill a vampire! She dates Gunn and I swear to god, there was one episode where they were baby talking into their phones and I was convinced that it just had to be a dream sequence, it was so damn treacly. It wasn’t. And it’s all very annoying.


8. Gunn

Anyone remember when Gunn had a posse and a ‘hood to protect? Anyone? Now, I realize they tried to address this last season before everything went horribly, horribly wrong, but it wasn’t good enough. We’re supposed to believe that the once tough Gunn, who just last season proclaimed that he would NEVER EVER NEVER be Angel’s friend, because Angel is a vampire and therefore inherently everything Gunn stands against, would give up everything—his friends, his family, his “empire”, to live in the hotel with a bunch of white folks?


7. Wesley and Lilah

We have come to the conclusion that nobody on the Angel writing staff is getting any. There is no other explanation for torturing us with these scenes. The actual sex is bad enough, the phone sex was unforgivable. Also unforgivable is the following paraphrased exchange: “I don’t need to know your plans, Lilah.” “It just excites you to know I have them.” “Shut up, Lilah.” “Make me.”


Do that again, and we swear, there will be some ass kicking.


And, you know, I was not repulsed by the very first Wesley/Lilah scene of ridiculous sex. I thought it was a cute little foray into the demented mind of Wesley, someone who, once upon a time, would never have forgotten to shave daily and who would never have told his companion that he wasn’t thinking about her when she was there, he'd just be so damn happy to actually be getting some. But now? It’s just giving me nightmares.



6. The plot development

I’m going to give credit to the Angel team for trying to clean up last year’s mess. Sadly, there is still a long way to get back to where the series first started. Apparently not happy enough with moody and darkish with a twist of black humor they tried campy. They tried kitschy. They tried flashing back. Maybe if everyone involved sort of sat back and tried to remember who each character was, rather than working so hard at humor that the characters change personalities on a weekly basis, they’d have a chance at being compelling again.


And absolutely, positively no more ascensions or uses of the words “champion” or “hero” and chill on the flipping prophecies. Good lord, how many can there possibly be? Is nothing in life a surprise anymore?


5. Wolfram and Hart

Maybe I just miss Lindsey Maybe they were more interesting when they were more ambiguous and not headed by the very completely uninteresting Lilah.


Or maybe the idea of evil lawyers is overplayed. You make the call.



4. Conner

Know what? This little moppet belongs at the top of the freakin’ list. I can’t even conceive of how high the writing staff was when they thought giving Angel a son would be an excellent idea. I can’t even imagine how many nights Joss had gone without sleep to give this storyline the thumbs up. And I can’t believe the daytime soap opera coalition didn’t band together and sue ME’s collective ass for stealing their patented “age the child 16 years in a month [and then two years in a week!]” storyline. Perhaps it was out of respect SMG, who was once one of their own.


Yet, this trite plot contrivance made the abominable storyline slightly more tolerable due to the fact that I no longer have to see Angel making goo goo eyes at his son. It’s much more fun to see him kick his ass.


3. Cordy's disembodied glowy head, floating aimlessly in space.

We had to see that freaky scary head at the end of every episode there for a while. And sure, now she's back with the rest of her body, no longer bobbing along with the stars, but we fear the day that like a bad acid flashback, ME revisits this storyline. Why was she there? Why did she come back? We really don't want the answers to these questions, because we'd rather forget this storyline ever existed, but we know they're going to make us live through the answers anyway.


2. The spoilers.

They hurt. Hopefully these supposed spoilers are just evil lies propagated by ME, thinking they're being clever. Thinking that we'll be so relieved that the horrid things we're hearing now aren't what we see on screen that we'll actually think the episodes are fantastic. Because truly, anything would be better than what we're hearing. But chances are, they're true. And the nightmares won't stop. We wait in anticipation of the episodes -- can't wait to see them -- not because we think they'll be so good, but because we want assurance the spoilers aren't real. Won't they just go away? Click here for our continued rant that contains some of these potential spoilers.


1. Conner and Cordy.

As in, together. As in, his hand cupping her breast. As in kissing. Cordy lips touching less-than-a-year-ago-a-teeny-baby-she-changed lips. As in "training sessions" with arms wrapped around each other. It's just. fucking. wrong.



Love Angel and think these are the best plot developments ever? Have your own top ten list of pain? Let us know in the forums.