beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah






season two  >  some assembly required


This episode opens with Buffy in the graveyard fighting a vampire in a really really short pink skirt. He really gets an eyeful when she roundhouses him. Angel's there too, but he doesn't get to see much since gets knocked down and stays on the ground the whole time. Because that's what a champion does. Before you can help the helpless, you have to be the helpless. Or something.


And now it's time for more of Buffy and Angel's On Again Off Again, Beats the Hell Outa Me Season Two Relationship. He pops over and she's all chummy. They're bonding over memories of him clawing out of his grave. Hopefully she's taking notes for when it's her turn.


He admits he was jealous during Buffy's sexy dance. They gaze at each other longingly. Ah, young love. Or, rather young and really really old love.


The next day, Xander and Buffy walk in on Giles practicing his pick-up lines on a chair. At least, we hope he's practicing. It turns Xander on, which scares Buffy a little. Buffy is more concerned with the empty grave she found last night. Giles gets all giddy. Grave robbers! Woo!


Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it. Damn it.


This episode has really odd blocking and the dialogue is just off enough for the actors to seem like they're reciting lines rather than actually acting them. I mean "Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome?" Xander actually says that?


Meanwhile, Willow is signing up for the science fair. She slyly expositions that Chris always beats her, to gives a little clue that he's all smart and science-y. His friend Eric is taking pictures because he's a yearbook nerd, and surely not because he's looking for a head to put on a body of dead girl parts. Right?


Cordelia comes over and whines about the science fair being mandatory, but we never do actually see any of these projects. I'm kind of bummed about the whole thing. Xander could have done, "The mystery of magnets: the biology of why I attract demon women." And Buffy could have impressed everyone with "The fluids of the dead: maybe vampires can't produce children, but there sure are other things they can still do." It would have been great!


Turns out, Chris' brother Daryl was this great football star. Everybody loved him. Think Larry, without the gay part. Cordy dated him. But then he died, as tends to happen in Sunnydale.


The shocking thing we learn is that there's supposedly this other high school in Sunnydale, Fondren, a school that we've never heard of before, and never hear of again. Or maybe the sea demons in Go Fish have swim meets with them... In any case, the dead girl with an empty grave went there, along with two other girls who are also dead, possibly also with empty graves.


They go to the graveyard that night to check it out, and here's where things get dumb. OK, more dumb. Buffy stumbled into the open grave of the first girl. As in, dug up, open coffin. They had to dig up the other two graves to see if the coffins had bodies in them. As in, closed coffins, not dug up, no sign of the ground around the graves being disturbed. And yet, the bodies were missing.


Um, body would mean flesh-eating demon, no body would point towards the, uh, army of zombies thing. Take your pick, really.


I don't get it. Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint.

Maybe Chris and Eric, in addition to chopping up girls' bodies and sewing them all together to make a dream girl, also have mastered transporter technology. These are some well-rounded boys.


Next up in Buffy and Angel's On Again Off Again, Beats the Hell Outa Me Season Two Relationship, Buffy doesn't want Angel to know about the whole graveyard field trip. She tells him she's staying home. He goes looking for her and finds Cordy. He's wearing really shiny dress shoes, like he's headed to the prom. I don't know what that's about.


This episode is pretty boring, so I'm going to sum up a bit for you. Chris brought his brother Daryl back to life. Only apparently Daryl died in a threshing accident or something, because his faced is all stitched together. And we never actually find out how Chris is able to spark life into dead corpses, other than it involves gasoline and electricity. Why Willow didn't remember how to do this at the end of season six is inexplainable.


Daryl, used to a life of popularity, doesn't want to be seen as a horrid monster, so he doesn't want to go out in public, and yet he's lonely. He figures if he can find himself another animated corpse, she won't mind his hideous looks and will keep him company forever.


Chris agrees to do it  because he loves his brother. Eric agrees to help because he's a big freak.


They need a fresh head in order to complete the girlfriend, and apparently, none of the dead girls were good enough. They decide to go after a live girl. Or more specifically Cordy. They decide to cut off her head, put it on the girl parts, and then animate her. Why they didn't just kill Cordy and use her whole body and head, I have no idea. I guess Daryl preferred the stitched look.


Buffy and gang figure out what's going on just in time to save Cordy from being the permanent apex of a pyramid of girls, if you know what I mean, and Daryl rushes into the flames to die with his headless girlfriend. And as you may have guessed, it's Xander who heroically saves the day.


Yeah, you don't understand, I have to go. I'm the apex!


But we can't end this episode without another installment of Buffy and Angel's On Again Off Again, Beats the Hell Outa Me Season Two Relationship. They gaze longingly at each other. They have angst. They fret the age difference. I beat the remote against my head. It distracts me from the pain.



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