beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah


season five



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Once upon a time there was this evil hellgod who was banished from her kingdom and imprisoned within a human boy, in the human realm. This angered the evil hellgod, although she made the most of it by wearing really sexy dresses and high heels. Also, she sucked out people's brains for fun. Far and wide, she searched for the key back to her world that would open the portal between dimensions.


But there were those on earth who opposed the hellgod, and fought to keep her from creating a rift between the realms. Sadly for the earthly realm, her foes consisted of weak, foolish monks and dumb knights with magic horses. Quite naturally, they realized they were no match for her, depsite hundreds of years of preparation. The knights and the hellgod searched for the key: the knights hoped to destroy it, the hellgod hoped to use it. Unfortunately for both the knights and the hellgod, it was the dumb weak monks who had actual possession of the key. Unwilling to destroy it, they instead transformed it into a little sister for Buffy, to teach her a lesson about sharing. I mean, so she would protect it.


Unfortunately for said key, this turned a very small object that was easy to hide into a large teenage girl, and placed her in the same town as the hellgod. Ultimately, the hellgod tracked down the key and used her to open the door, letting in lots of flying dragons. Buffy, tired of all this newfound "sharing", jumped off a tower to make it stop.









Buffy vs. Dracula

This doesn't really need a description does it?


Once again, Buffy and Xander fall for the same guy. That Dracula's got some thrall.












Real Me

Buffy's sister gets kidnapped by Harmony's vampire gang. Yep. You heard me right. Harmony has a gang.




The Replacement

Double your pleasure, double your fun. Or that's what Anya's thinking anyway.


Out of My Mind

Well, first it's all Riley, boo hoo, blah blah. But, then Spike show's up ready to prove he's tough and evil, so it all works out in the end.











No Place Like Home

So, Buffy's got this new sister, but possibly not a mom much longer.








What has Tara been hiding all this time? Is she really a demon? Is her love for Willow just a ruse to get into the inner circle of the Slayer for some nefarious purpose?


The answer is shocking! Or you know, not.







Fool For Love

Spike. He's killed two slayers. And back in the day, he just bored women to death with his awful poetry.







CGI snake. I think Mutant Enemy must be some snake worshipping cult or something. Or maybe they just got a deal if they bought in bulk.













Listening to Fear

Joyce has brain surgery and sweet intern Ben is calling alien space invaders. This episode is chock full 'o hoot, with a little bit 'o nanny.








Into the Woods

Bye, Riley! Fly away in the helicopter! Run Buffy! You can catch it!








Xander, Willow, and Anya having some three-way action. Sadly, not like that. But there's a funny baby-eating troll to make up for it!


The evylllll Watcher's Council is here to decide if Buffy is worthy to carry the title of Slayer for another year. And if she is, they'll tell her what they know about the Hell God who's threatening to bring on the apocolypse. Again.


And if not, what? They'll kill her in an effort to bring forth Slayer 2001: the next generation? Bring in Stone Cold Steve Austin to challenge her to a Slayermania battle to decide who gets to wear the Slayer belt?


Buffy isn't patient enough to wait for the answers, so she kicks their asses.






Blood Ties

Dawn's not Buffy's sister after all! Dawn is crushed. What about that time she hit Spike with an axe when he was coming after Buffy at the school? And that time that Buffy snuck out and went to a frat party and almost got eaten by a big snake and Dawn didn't tell their mom but got Xander to help? And when Dawn found out that their mom was dating a robot and warned everyone about the cookies? Did all that stuff not actually happen?







Spike shows Buffy how much he loves her by chaining her up in the cellar of his crypt and threatening to kill her. Aww, young love. Guys like that are so hard to find.








I Was Made to Love You

April just wants Warren back. He's like, get away from me, you robot freak. Too bad a computer geek who can make robots like real girls didn't think to deprogram her or anything before he left her behind like a crushed pop can.








The Body

Joyce dies and Buffy can't save her. It's hard to be snarky about sadness like that.







Angel makes a hope you like this crossover, cause it might be the last you get stopover, and Dawn decides the zombie Joyce is better than no Joyce at all.









So, Buffy goes off on some freakish desert quest with a mountain lion with no name and buys in to the First Slayer telling her that death is her gift. Because the First Slayer has been so helpful to her in the past.


The scoobies don't notice she's gone because apparently, for them, The Buffy sex-bot is just as good as the real thing. I wonder if Spike thinks so too.






Tough Love

Glory was thinking Spike was the key. Only, not. So, then she decided that Tara was the key. And boy, does she get mad when she's foiled a second time.








Flying horses and slow moving Winnebagos. It doesn't get much better than this.







The Weight of the World

Buffy takes some of the good drugs and goes in search of the nearest deadhead caravan. Willow goes all transcendental and invades Buffy's mind.







The Gift

Buffy? Not so much alive anymore.


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