beginning | blinding torment | boils | lies | making me bitter | evil compounds evil | blah blah bity blah

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you guys hear that buzzing noise?

 season one  >  invisible girl

 

 

The teaser for this episode is the longest I've ever seen. When we got to the credits, I thought it was time for the episode to be over. I'll sum up to spare you plowing through it.

 

You see, Cordelia is pretty and popular. She's dating this handsome jock, she has minions about her at all times to laugh at her jokes, and she's a shoe in for May Queen, whatever the hell that is. She's the most visible person in school. Sound like anyone else we know? Buffy maybe? Unless you've seen the movie or skipped ahead and watched the flashback scenes in Becoming, probably not. Because the only Buffy we've seen on the show in season one is a big 'ole loser. But apparently, Buffy was Cordelia at her old high school, back before she learned she alone could save the world and had to burn down the school. That sort of instantly propelled her into the land of the geeks.

 

Now the land of the popular just scoff at Buffy. And it makes her so sad. You see, Buffy just wants to be a normal girl, wants to fit in. Is that so much to ask for? Poor poor Buffy.

 

Next we see them all in English class, where Cordy think Shylock, of Merchant of Venice fame, needs to get over himself. The teacher says she's glad someone did the reading. Alrighty then.

 

Cut to Cordy's boyfriend in the showers. He hears insane giggling, and out of nowhere, he starts getting hit with a baseball bat. I didn't even think Marti worked for the show in season one!

 

And finally, opening credits. Longest teaser in history.

 

Cordy's giving away chocolate candies to sway people's votes for May Queen, except she gives none to Buffy since she doesn't need the "loony fringe vote".

 

Speaking of, Willow and Xander walk up and proceed to exclude Buffy from their incoherent babble down memory lane. Can that poor girl not fit in anywhere? Buffy remembers the days when her friends were less geeky and spoke in complete sentences, and she was May Queen.

 

Her nostalgia is interrupted by news of the extreme beat up guy.

 

As the paramedics wheel him away, he tells Buffy that the bat was hitting him all by itself. She sneaks into the locker room and finds the bat. If you ask why the paramedics were there and yet no cops had arrived to take the evidence, then you haven't seen this show quite enough yet. Sunnydale cops tend to avoid that school. It's too scary for 'em.

 

There are no dead students here. This week.

 

She sees that the lockers have "LOOK" spray painted across them. If we get monkeys covering their eyes later in this episode, I'm never watching again. Whether they're wearing pants or not.

 

Buffy and gang try to figure out what might have attacked Mitch. They quickly conclude that the attack wasn't random. How they came up with that from an attacking bat of doom and some graffiti, I have no idea. The message could have just as easily been, "Look! I'm a rogue bat on a mission! Attacking random people and tagging lockers!" Whatever.

 

Then Harmony, paying no attention to the world around her as usual, trips and falls down the stairs. She hops on the "someone invisible did this to me" bus to defer suspicion that she might be drunk, or trying to avoid sunlight.

 

Buffy follows some invisible giggling, but ends up in the band room, so she sneaks out again as quickly as possible before someone puts a marching uniform on her. I mean, it's one thing to lose your cool by being a secret superhero; quite another to be a band geek.

 

Xander mentions that gods can become invisible, but the gang scoffs. ME couldn't possibly be so lame as to write a god storyline. I mean, how could you do that plot without including magic flying horses, a human man to house the female god and wear her heels and dresses, and a made-up sister? And that would just be... Oh. Wait.

 

Should I mention the creepy men in black stalkers? They're seriously lame, so I think I'll skip 'em. Besides, we get enough creepy stalking with Buffy spying on Cordelia, who's trying on her dress for the dance, surrounded by her minions. Leave the girl alone, already. No wonder she thinks you're a freak.

 

Willow gets bonus points for wearing a Scooby Doo t-shirt, but Buffy is once again wearing a scarf around her neck. She does this so often in season one, I can only think that she's hiding Angel's bite marks. Riley called it when she was wearing a scarf around her neck to hide Dracula's bite, after all. And he was right. Did I actually type that sentence? Well, point is, that's the only reason we've ever gotten for her wearing the most ridiculous fashion accessory ever devised. And the scarves don't even match the rest of her outfits.

 

 

Buffy and Giles both hear flute music and all the children in the land follow the pied piper out of the town forever.

 

Angel decides to do his cryptic visit thing, only this time, Giles is the lucky one. There's a whole lame thing where we're hit over the head with Angel's vampireness. He casts no reflection. He doesn't feed on humans anymore. He's a vampire in love with the slayer. Let's just show this scene every Christmas and we'll never have to watch the actual show.

 

Giles calls the master the "vampire king", which makes me think of him like the rat king in the nutcracker. Wouldn't it have been great if instead of turning into bones, he would have rolled over onto his back and wiggled his arms and feet around in the air when he died?

 

Angel and Giles have a love fest about old books and slayer lore, and some book called the codex. It contains everything you ever wanted to know about everything but it was lost 500 years ago. Of course, Angel has it. So, that's how he knows everything. That's cheating! We're led to believe that this is the holy grail of books, never wrong. And of course we never hear of it again after season 1.

 

Next we go to one of many flashbacks that remind us that Cordelia is a bitch who ignores people. In case we hadn't noticed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back to the present, we see the Cordy has been elected May Queen and is giving some speech, like she was elected to office or something. The creepy stalker guys are still hanging out. Buffy is convinced that Cordelia is the key. Why again? Because her boyfriend got beat up in a magically not-random attack and her friend tripped? Of course, Buffy's right, but it irritates me that Buffy knew that everything had to do with Cordelia for the sake of the plot, and not because she had actual clues that pointed in that direction.

 

Willow's tracked down all the kids who died or went missing in the last six months in Sunnydale. She rolls out a parchment that continues down the block. Remember the research on the computer Willow? I loved that Willow.

 

Anyway, Buffy notices one missing girl who played the flute. She runs back to the band room, carefully avoiding any band geek germs, and notices a boot print on a chair. OK, so Marcie, the flute-playing girl is invisible. And she's not running around naked, we assume, so her clothes are invisible too. Or, even if she is naked, she's apparently at least wearing boots, and they must be invisible, because people would notice a pair of boots clomping around on their own. But, the dust on the boots is not invisible? Or maybe it just becomes visible after it's left behind on the chair? Similarly, it bothers me that later Buffy throws a curtain on Marcie to see her. Because if her clothes are invisisble, why wouldn't the curtain turn invisible too? But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

 

Buffy climbs up into the ducts and see's Marcie's been living there. So, did her parents not notice her either? Couldn't she have stayed at home, sleeping in her comfy bed anyway? Or did her parents turn it into a sewing room and she was all, hey! daughter here!

 

Next we see Marcie suffocate the teacher who thought Cordy was so great with a plastic bag. See, the warning labels on those things are true! They are dangerous! Apparently, she ignored Marcie too. I'm not sure here if we're supposed to think that she's targeting the teacher because she liked Cordy or because she ignored her. Anyway, who cares.

 

Cordy comes in and sees the teacher all suffocated-like and she takes off the plastic bag so the teacher can room with her boyfriend at the hospital. She sees magic chalk writing "LISTEN" on the chalkboard. The graffiti artist strikes again!

 

Back in the library, the gang's looking over Marcie's yearbook that Buffy stole. Everyone told her to "have a nice summer". Buffy is so happy to have finally found someone who's more of an outcast than she is. An outcast who gets her stuff stolen, apparently.

 

Cordy bursts in and says that even though they're all big losers, she needs their help, because someone is after her and she's hoping Buffy's in a gang. She isn't willing to back out of going to the dance tonight, because if she does that, then the terrorists have won! Buffy's all, that's cool, you can be bait.

 

Cordelia tells Buffy that she gets lonely too, and that everyone's only around her because she's popular, if she didn't have cheese like every day, would they still want to be with her? Buffy tells her that she felt that way too when she was popular like Cordelia, but Cordy's all, you're a loser. You can't know my pain.

 

Because you're always around when all this weird stuff is happening. And I know you're very strong, and you've got all those weapons... I was kind of hoping you were in a gang.

 

Marcie lures the rest of the gang with the magic flute, and they join the rats and the children in some boiler room with the gas turned up. They all promptly die. OK, not really. Angel shows up out of the blue again with the most important book of all, missing for 500 years, that he had laying around with some old National Geographics. Angel isn't effected by the gas because he doesn't need oxygen. This is build up for the next episode people. I believe they call it foreshadowing.

 

In the meantime, Marcie knocks out Buffy and Cordy with some handy chloroform or something and somehow drags them to the bronze. Maybe she has an invisible car. Her big plan is to carve up Cordy's face, just in time for the big dance. She's written "LEARN" in sparkly glitter on a curtain. No idea why. I'm just glad we haven't seen any pantless monkeys yet.

 

Buffy manages to get out of her ropes. It's handy skill that serves her well many times. She has a really boring fight scene where she senses Marcie and ends up throwing a curtain over her. The invisible fight scene in Gone was lame too, but at least it was entertaining. The creepy stalker guys show up to come take Marcie away to X-Men school, where she can hang out with Rogue, another misunderstood freak.

 

Cordy thanks the gang for all their help, but wants to make sure they don't like, try to hang out with her or anything. And the lesson is clear. Ignore someone you don't like, and one day they'll disappear. It's truly fantastic.

 

Don't worry Buffy. One day you'll get to be invisible too!

 

 

 

 

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